You are so not the boss of me... Is that okay?

Remember when you were a kid and felt grownups ruled your every decision? You felt oppression at every turn? They told you how to dress, where to go, when to get out of bed, and sometimes what to believe and how to think?

Remember wanting to shout "YOU ARE SO NOT THE BOSS OF ME?" But you always kinda knew they were?

I always thought then that things would radically change as I got  older. That I would be able to make my own choices and no one could tell me what to do- ever again.

I guess in some ways it is true. I guess, I could conceivably sleep in till 10am. I would just have to ignore the two children jumping on my stomach, and turn a deaf ear to their demands for "chaka-mil" and such. 

Now I am surely more independent than at age 6 or even 17. But, I have just recently come to a startling realization. 

I still let people tell me what to do. 

And not in the way my parents did. No. Looking back I realize the need for my mom and dad to put parameters on my independence. I know they wanted to guide me, and they only and always had my best interest in mind.

Right now in my life I think I have given up that decision making power to people I don't even know and sometimes to people I don't even respect let alone like.

Explanation? (Well I figure if you have read this far, you might be interested in my epiphany. If not, feel free to discontinue reading and go aboutcha business.) 

I care too much about what people think of me. Bottom line, though I hate to admit it. 

It ranges from 'Do they think I am a bad mom?' to 'Do they think I am ignorant?' to 'If I am still in my pajamas at 3:00 do they think I am lazy?'

I actually don't know the reason for me posting it here, but I thought 'why not?!' Maybe this is my first step forward. Admittance can be a good thing, right?

I have realized by doing this, this obnoxious worrying, I am in essence letting people have control over my life. And I am letting them tell me what to do!

I let television tell me what to wear. Design shows and catalogs tell me how my home should look. Websites and blogs (and sometimes wandering eyes of drop-by-visitors) tell me if my home is not immaculate, I am failing. After all, I am at home during the day. Doesn't that mean I have more time than most to keep my home ridiculously clean!?

Parenting magazines tell me how often I should be making homemade play-doh  with my children, and if I am not throwing flash cards of times tables at them by the time they are 6, they will never succeed in math. That I am somehow neglecting my children if I choose to watch them play in the sand versus building elaborate sandcastles with them while teaching them the architectural techniques of the great Roman Empire.

Okay, a little sarcastic, I know. But I really feel that constant battle in my head between my own brain, and the person I feel everyone expects or tells me to be.

But starting today (I hope it's today) I say:

"YOU ARE SO NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" At least not anymore.